Transitioning between identities: How do you know it's time to step into the person you need to become?

I think we’ve all had it, a push, a pull, an inner knowing, a gut instinct towards something, or a gnawing feeling that something just isn’t right. It could be a relationship or a job opportunity, an idea, or a move that you need to go forward with or end, but something called you, you have a deep knowing, or maybe you saw things with clarity around what you need to do. In moments like these, I hear these words, It’s Time. I am exploring this theme of transitions. In another post, I talked about life transitions and overcoming the fear of change. Everything changes, along with death and taxes, it’s a guarantee. One of the things I am curious about is, how do you know when it’s time to transition, or in a more philosophical sense, how do you know it’s time to transition into the person you need to become? 

When the fear of not changing becomes greater than the fear of staying the same. 

Everyone changes. We outgrow our old selves when we take on new jobs with more responsibility, when we become parents, adopt a new spiritual or religious practice, or when we become caregivers to an elder. Then there are moments of change when life doesn’t pan out the way you expected it would. It could be a significant relationship ended, you or a loved one are seriously ill or injured, or you moved to an entirely different place. We all find ourselves in transition somewhere in our lives. Sometimes it's gradual and sometimes not. 

But I think what keeps us stuck is not the transition itself, but the judgement of it. We resist change because we can’t let go of the parts of ourselves that we have to give up when life changes and we need to re-wire the negative whispers in our mind that often limits us. How often do we talk ourselves out of something when the perfect opportunity or the right relationship comes along? What if something is asking us to rise, but instead we meet this opportunity with resentment and criticism to keep ourselves stuck in a brooding mess. What if this transition means that we won’t be needed anymore or needed too much and we lose our identity? 

The need to change doesn’t come with bravado. In my experience, it shows up with a gentle realization that continuing as you are will cost you something. As a menopausal woman, the tire around my belly knows that I can’t eat the chips, chocolate, and drinks like I used to. I’ve realized I have a very small window to change my health and preserve bone density, so I’ve prioritized weight lifting and eating well to be able to live well in my later years. As a mother of two grown children, I am grieving a little that I am not their first person they go to when they experience problems, I feel like I am left in the dark sometimes and the last to know. Also the house is emptier these days as they find other places to spend their free time. But to continue our relationship well is to give them freedom, and become a supporting character in their story, and to bite my tongue more than I want to. 

Transition isn’t easy. Even though life changes and is a natural part of living, doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot of pain and anxiety involved. Sometimes we need to mourn the parts of ourselves that we weren’t ready to let go of and sit with discomfort until the way forward comes to light, or you find the push that gets you moving. It takes a lot of courage and strength to identify what really matters to you, and how you want to live out your values, and what this change requires of you. It also takes a lot of energy to build the tolerance needed to live in uncertainty or the tolerance to make do. Transitions are a process and take time and often there is a long season of knowing that you need to grow, a relationship is over, or the career no longer fits, and the only thing we can do is just sit and wait, not for something to change, but the right opportunity to do something about it. There isn’t a one solution that fits all to every life changing event, but i am certain that the path forward will reveal itself and that voice that says, It’s Time will come back around but even louder that time. At this moment, the transition has already begun, all that’s needed is the courage to answer it.