When is enough enough?

 I remember when I was little deliberating over which chocolate bar to buy. It was a huge deal because I only had a few cents and I wanted to make sure that where I spent my money gave me good value. Do I buy a Snickers bar because it was the heaviest? Do I buy a Mirage bar because it had the most chocolate, or do I buy Mr Big because it was the biggest? It wasn't the consuming that made the purchase memorable 40 years later, the pleasure was the anticipation and thoughtfulness. I remember the time before the internet, Amazon and Tik Tok Shop where you had to drive to multiple stores to look for something. We knew what we were buying and why. I don’t know if times were simpler. I think our parents and grandparents faced just as much stress and hardship as we do now, but I think times are just different and we see and compare too much. 

We live in a deeply commercialized, highly aesthetic, little treat, algorithm driven economy. We treat a living space as fast fashion and disposable rather than treating the home as a sanctuary and an intimate space. Purchases are instant and take little to no time to plan for, think about, value, or reflect upon before ordering. Our little luxury treats that we are told we deserve come right to our mailbox or doorstep. We don’t even need to leave the house. I wonder if these things actually deepen our life or are they compensating for something else? How do you know when enough is enough? 

I don’t think most of us reading have a lack of stuff. I have stuff hidden away in drawers I haven’t looked at in years, so purchasing isn’t necessarily based on need. I think it’s mostly performative, appearance driven, and satisfies our need to belong. Social media accelerates our desires by showing us highly curated homes and aspirational living. It signals to others that we have good taste, we are stable because it is so curated and matchy matchy. We choose homogeneity and safety because we don’t know how to choose something that goes outside the accepted aesthetic. We don’t fully trust ourselves to create a refuge that reflects us and our values and so we take the easier option of copying internet trends or shopping for our whole home at the same store instead of allowing things to collect over time. Yes, the space looks magazine and Instagram worthy, but it lacks soul. That’s the itch you can’t scratch because it doesn’t reflect who you are and what you love. 

Buying things, whatever they are, isn't necessarily bad. Sometimes it is the thing that brings us out of a funk like decorating a reading corner, or setting up a meditation space. It could be a sense of achievement because we found something that fits into that weird corner or area. I also think it’s okay to add a little beauty to an otherwise mundane task or spot. Sometimes buying releases pressure and stress like a nice candle or fragrance. We all have our things that make us feel cared for. Mine is coffee. I often create morning rituals around good coffee, burning incense, and comfort. I enjoy easing into the day and without it I feel ungrounded. Could I do without spending extra on locally roasted coffee and good incense? Yes, but these little luxuries go deeper than the product itself, it nourishes me.

A purchase can be meaningful when it supports the life that already exists, and not asking the purchase to create a life for you. It's getting to the bottom of why it is important and do I truly need it before making the purchase. Am I trying to fill a hole of not enough? What uncertainty am I trying to quiet? What story am I telling myself? Am I buying something because I love it, or is it something else? Truly, I have been down those rabbit holes of not enoughness and the panic it brings of trying to find something that will make XYZ look perfect is not a fun shopping trip. In reality, if no one ever saw the purchase, would I still buy it? 

Having little luxuries isn’t indulgent when they deepen an already existing practice. It should restore us rather than deplete us. There should be lingering feelings of appreciation rather than guilt. It should reinforce positive emotions and accomplishments. It becomes a problem when buying becomes performative, to fill an ache or numb the pain or stress or discomfort. When we try to become someone through purchases rather than living it. 

Buying into the slow living aesthetic instead of embodying it. 

Buying books instead of reading. 

Buying art supplies rather than making art. 

When buying something leaves us with guilt, remorse, and anxiety rather than appreciation these are all signs we have gone too far. Enough isn’t determined by what’s available. Enough is not counted or if someone thinks we have enough or not. It is determined by what nourishes us and what living can fill.